It's strange being an adult, out of grad school, looking back on all of this.
Today was the last orchestra concert at St. Marys. Thank God that's over.
Here's a brief update, if you don't read my xanga:
There's that. It hurt pretty bad, I'm not gonna lie. I wouldn't suggest a foot tattoo as anyone's first - I was "wiggling" a little, but I didn't flinch. And that was with a million and one pain techniques I had to employ, surprisingly.
Meet Pete. Pete has a dark blue body (with a few highlights of rust), a very talkative muffler, only radio and a cigarrette lighter for audio, and a charming smell to those who like to sniff things. This is because of his oil and gas leak. None of it too greatly affects his life, and I love him. He's charming and wonderful. Maybe with a ride this junk-wonderful, Youngstown carjackers won't mess. I got freaked out about all that a little bit ago. See:
That's the horn section and G at my last HS music banquet. Don't mess,
Okay, so for a real update.
Yesterday I was rather abruptly woken up at 8AM, when I was informed it was an emergency that i get up and start setting up for the party which started at 12. After 4 hours of lots and lots of work, people started showing up. More people showed up than I expected. I really thought that only a couple of my friends would actually show, but probably about 10 did, so that was really nice. A couple of families from Medina showed up. Both of them had daughters that were only friends with Laura and/or/Sarah (because my church didn't have any kids who were interested in being my friend), so I was really touched that they showed. Elmo said he was really proud of me, and that he bragged about me all the time, like I was one of his own. I love the Wright family. I ended up getting more money from people than I know what to do with, so I might put some of it toward tuition, or books for a couple of years. A few of us went hot tubbing after (which was interesting, keeping my foot out of the water), which felt amazing after being on my feet all day.
I ended up going to bed at about midnight (it felt much later) and completely passing out for 11 hours. I had 4 missed calls and voicemails from my mom, trying to wake me up to go to church (could she not have walked the 12 steps it took to get to my room?), yelling at me for not being at church, and whatnot. I called her back where she yelled at me, and told me I've completely left her out of everything with the new car. ? .
And then I freaked out a little after I was already upset about that. About leaving, about arriving. Sorry, Ron. Maybe more on that later. I have to go pack for college now.
I think I have control issues, and I'm about to think myself to death.
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now.
1. Grandma Griffith
2. Nana Mace. My mom's going to visit her at the end of March, and she's not sure her mom will be around that long. She's already lost over 60 pounds...
3. I just found out one of my friends (my big sister's best friend) back in Medina (who I haven't actually spoken to in years) has a cancerous growth on one of her legs.
4. My Eastman audition. I don't have any clue what to think - I think they would have said things about money and stuff if they knew I was going to make it. I have no clue if I made it, I'm leaning on the no side, but I won't really know until March, and not a minute goes by when it doesn't pass my mind. I can't help it...
5. My All County Scholarship audition. If I get this, I'll have my first big solo performance in front of a crowd full of hundreds of people, plus I'll be up $1000 for college, which never hurts. I'd be more confident if I hadn't blown the ending in the audition. The adjudicator said "wow" after I played, and said "It's okay. I know you can do it" after I looked uneasy after the ending, and complimented my resume/essays (which no one else really wrote...). Still, the results are being sent out tomorrow, which means I won't know for a couple more days. Lots of deserving musicians from the county auditioned, so I have no idea what to expect.
6. My All County audition. It's not stressing me out, because I know the results, but it kind of bugs me that I did so poorly in an audition, no matter how trivial, no matter how little competition I have regarding horn players in the county. I went in there way underprepared and not warmed up, and it was stupid of me. The (apparently deaf) adjudicator decided to give me a 100, which is the most ridiculous gift I've ever received, anyway, so my seat is still insured, but I never want to come out of an audition feeling that badly again.
7. Saratoga. I just want to know if I'm good enough to go. I'm not going anyway, but I won't know until May that I'm good or not good enough for them.
8. New England. Why should I bother auditioning there? I know the chances are so slim...sometimes I hate myself for preparing so little for auditions, and I don't want to make that mistake with that.
9. Youngstown. I need to call and add a major. I spoke with Dr. Gage this week, and his voice just keeps going through my head. I think this is where I need to be for college, but what if I make one of the 2 prestigious conservatories? Where will I be then? I know where most of my teachers would say...
10. Scholarships. There are so few scholarships based on musical merit rather than outstanding, well rounded achievements in school and grades. I'm not in a million clubs, I concentrate on faith, music, and my own intellect. That's not good enough for most.
I was supposed to be the one who had college completely figured out. I never thought I may not be making this decision until April. It scares me so much not to know where I'll be next year, and to be told that I'm not good enough to study somewhere. Not knowing if I got this scholarship, or met those qualifications scares me.
I just had to write this down somewhere. You can feel free to ignore this, I just needed to make my mind stop racing for a bit.
In other news, today I got a CD by William Slocum, the horn professor at Youngstown, playing some standard horn rep. and He's pretty amazing at Hindemith's Sonata. Like woah. (But he could be a cleaner Beethoven player). That's okay, I'm a far better Hindemith horn player than Beethoven too. And I don't have a degree from Julliard and a Cleveland Orchestra job to flaunt around.
I bought Bethsheba a dress and shoes (a handguard and a stand) and I'm pretty excited about them coming in the mail sometime this week. I'll be watching the mail like crazy. (handguard, stand, eastman, all county...)
I got an email from the horn professor at Eastman today after I asked him what I could work on for future auditions:
Hello, Debbie. Nice to meet/hear you last week. I admire your ambition, especially your commitment to drive all the way to Buffalo to participate in the GBYO. As for the suggestions, you need to work on your low register response and stability. Your mouthpiece may be too small in this regard. Your pulse needs to be more consistent, esp. with regard to subdivisions. You're very compelling and comfortable in loud playing, which is fine! Ensure that your softs retain resonance. Eliminate any throat and neck tension along the air column - keep the air flowing freely at all times.
Hope that helps.
It's too early in the process up here to arrive at any final conclusions. I think there are 4 more audition dates here, plus all the tapes/cds from regional auditions.
Best wishes, and good luck in your subsequent auditions.
Everyone - this is a reminder about the lobbying/call-in days for Uganda on this Monday and Tuesday.
Basically we're encouraging other world leaders to give diplomatic support to peace talks for a negotiated, fair settlement to end the war - not taking sides or endorsing any political position, just stopping the killing.
No matter where you are, please contact your leaders!
United States Citizens:
Write or call your Congressional representatives - http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/
Also, you may contact President Bush at the White House Comment Line, 202-456-1111 (open during business hours EST).
Page from the Uganda Conflict Action Network (organization linked with Oxfam and the Gulu Walk and World Vision) that has a sample script to use when calling (although it's much better not to recite scripts, if you can read up on the issues and use your own words) http://www.ugandacan.org/call-in.ph
comment and let me know how your call/letter/lobbying went, share stories with me!
a story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love, anything.
make sure you post anonymously.
i want hundreds. hundreds of thousands of secret anonymous things to read forever.